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👩‍👦"3 Tips When Your Kid Is Upset With You"

Tips for Handling Upset Moments with Your Child

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This week has been busy, with work filling up my days and the added challenge of getting my car fixed. I've been coming home late every day, running on only 4-5 hours of sleep. Having a 10 year old in the house named Luca, this can be tough on them sometimes, and how it manifests varies each week.

This particular week, Luca expressed his frustration, telling me he's upset because we haven't played together all week, and I've been arriving home late. Hearing this broke my heart, especially after long workdays with minimal sleep. It became challenging to remain patient and resist the immediate urge to explain why this was happening. I found myself in a conundrum, navigating our emotions and avoiding the easy way out by resorting to excuses.

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As parents, teachers, and guardians of children, we all know we can't be perfect, and we accept that. But when do we even learn this? It doesn't usually happen until we are more mature. So with our kids, we have to guide them and teach them when they become upset. You can start as early as when they begin to speak, or you can start if they are older and dumping their emotions on you. No matter what, though, if they don't have the skill, they won't know until you teach them.

But how do we do this? Well, I've got 3 simple tips that helped me with my 10-year-old when he was upset with me. Before we continue this conversation, go support the sponsor we love today; here’s a quick ad for them.

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The first tip is not to people-please with your child. When a loved one says they are mad at you or claims you hurt their feelings, one of the first things we might do is go into fixer mode. We try to cater to them and make them happy as quickly as possible. The issue with this is that not everything you do that made them upset is within your control. It’s okay when your child expresses themselves to you.

Tip two is to listen, take it in, and empathize with what they said. When Luca told me he was upset with me coming home late, I said, 'You are upset that we haven't been able to hang out this week because I'm working, and that is completely okay.' Instead of explaining myself, I first acknowledge and listen. I don't think anyone appreciates it if you express yourself to someone, and the first thing they do is make it about themselves. Would you feel like they actually care and listen? Probably not, so let's not fall for the same trap.

Tip three is to ask questions. This involves seeking clarification and understanding their perspective better. If we make assumptions about how we can assist them in avoiding certain feelings, we may still be entirely mistaken. Luca said he wants me to specifically play with him more. If I assumed that Luca was upset because I was coming home late, I might make sure I come home early, but if I don't play with him, he will still be mad at me.

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